In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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