just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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