He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
