Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
