Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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