yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
