apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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