I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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