Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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