That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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