God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
