I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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