apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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