So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
