i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
