and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't deserve a penis
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
