The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
