We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Everclear isn't food dammit
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
