Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
