Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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