from now on my penis is your penis
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
