I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
