allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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