I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
