saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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