last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
