He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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