moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
