I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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