You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
