which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
