There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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