you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
