Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
