woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
