you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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