Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
