is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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