i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
