If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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