actually, I'm a sock model
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
