God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
