He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
