why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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