I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ketchup is God's man juice
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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