Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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