I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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