I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
