i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
