You smell like a Billy Joel song
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
