C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
