Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
