I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
