What a fucking waste of an outfit
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
