Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
