I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
