I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
