if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We are all done wearing pants today
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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