How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
