Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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