Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
