You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
