I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
