my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
