final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
