now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
