Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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