And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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