mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize