I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
