Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
